User talk:Fergelbe
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Monster Under your Bed isn't Always there to Scare You page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 21:45, April 19, 2018 (UTC) FYI The list on the right hand side of the screen only shows who edited a pasta last, not necessary who posted it. If you look at my contributions page, you'll see that I didn't post "The Monster Under Your Bed...." In fact, I have only ever posted my own work, a full list of which can be found on my profile page. Furthermore, the person who actually wrote the pasta was a Reddit user who is credited at the bottom of the story page. You should learn how the site works before you jump to rash conclusions and decide something's a trollpasta. Best, Jdeschene (talk) 21:54, April 19, 2018 (UTC) Also Would you mind removing the comment you left on A Sailor's Song, since now we all know what's what? I'd appreciate it. Of course, if you ever want to give my stuff a read, I'd love to know what you think. Thanks! Jdeschene (talk) 22:14, April 19, 2018 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:29, November 18, 2018 (UTC) Re: Story I would strongly suggest looking over the quality standards as that should clear up a lot of the confusion right off the bat. The quick answer is that your story was deleted due to widespread, capitalization, punctuation, formatting, spelling, awkward/missing wording, and plot issues. Format: Your story is a large paragraph (i.e. wall of text). To put it into perspective, a typical paragraph is about five to ten sentences long. More than ten, it tends to come off as blocky. Your story is forty-three sentences long and all of them are in a single paragraph. Punctuation: You frequently forget to punctuate stops in sentences where they are needed. "Vanessa is a drama queen(,) she will always draws (sic) attention to herself.", "Wait(comma missing) where is Ashton?", "It was then we could hear the oven was on Vanessa asked", etc. Punctuation cont.: You don't properly use punctuation when introducing dialogue or in dialogue tags. "she said.(,/:) "Don't you kids try and get out ill (I'll) be back so don't try anything."", "She said "Well, no."", etc. You also should space out dialogue so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. This is done to prevent misattribution and to improve story flow. Spelling: You frequently misspell words. "he steels (steals) tiny things like school papers, thumbtacks, and dropped books", "The reason he is here is because he got in a fight with Ashton after steeling some of his papers.", "Sam was normally quiet, and shy but she was though (tough)", etc. Wording: "In that school there (sic) a very strange lunch lady, she had old grey hair, with worn out grayish eyes, and a raspy voice.", "Something about her always scared me or everything about her (awkward wording/redundant)", " One day I got in trouble by leaving school why it was school time.", etc. Those three examples I just cited were within your first five sentences and they continue through-out the rest of the story. Story issues: There were other mechanical issues, but I think that's enough to point out why you should probably use the writer's workshop for your next story as this is a lot for a story that's about four to five paragraphs. The story feels like it wasn't proof-read given the number of errors and the lack of punctuation towards the end: "We were on hallway from the exit when something hit Vanessa on the head he looked over to see it was a lunch tray then we saw the old lunch lady rushing towards us like that Jakob and I picked up Vanessa and ran." Story issues cont.: Why exactly is a lunch lady watching the kids instead of a teacher? Additionally why exactly is Sam left unsupervised in detention after an episode which suggests she is a danger to the other students? More than that, wouldn't she be suspended or expelled for assaulting a student and knocking them out with a lunch tray? Story issues cont.: The story additionally was rushed and you have numerous continuity issues. "I was in detention with four other kids, Ashton, Jakob, Vanessa, and Sam." Ashton is never mentioned as having left the group, so how'd he suddenly end up in the oven at the end of the story with no one noticing? Conclusion: Finally the conclusion itself needs quite a bit more build-up to be effective. I'm sorry, but this needs a lot of work. In its current form, it doesn't meet our quality standards due to the numerous mechanical and plot issues present in the story. I would like to repeat my advice about using the writer's workshop for your next project because if your following story has the same issues, it will likely be deleted as well. Best of luck writing, I hope this clarifies why I deleted your story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:49, November 19, 2018 (UTC)